The Role of Family
A comparative study of the role of family in the life of 12th standard students in Jaipur India and sixth form students in Polesworth, UK
They say , the only permanent thing in this world is change and it is so true when we see the changing dynamics of the society. What was taboo yesterday slowly becomes acceptable and before we realize, it becomes the norm. A decade ago, myself and Mrs. Deborah Gajik had compared the role of family in the life of an adolescent in Jaipur, India and Polesworth , UK. We did get some interesting results that we had shared with our students. A decade later, I do feel that our society has changed a bit…I do feel some change in the students too. Their behaviour, dreams, deference, their means of entertainment … are no longer the same. Has it affected their family life too?
Family is the first and the most important agent of socialization. No matter in which corner of the world a teenager lives, it’s influence on his life is undeniable. Hence , the urge to replicate the study was too strong to resist. I requested my dear friend Deborah if she is interested in the same and as always i got a prompt yes from her. So, here we are, sharing the results with you.
A close ended 20 point questionnaire was prepared covering various aspects of an adolescent’s family life. It was given to 100 students of the same age group from Bhartiya Vidya Bhavan’s Vidyashram, Jaipur, India and The Polesworth School , UK respectively. Both are middle level towns. The raw scores were converted into percentages and pie charts were used for clear comparison.
The first question aimed to ascertain the current family structure of the student. In Jaipur, most of the families i.e. 85% of families are extended families. In fact , there is no family in the sample where there is a lone parent or a step family. Actually, the concept of divorce is still not common in India and hence , remarriage or step families are almost non existent in the city. Even when, there is an unfortunate death of a parent, the surviving parents generally prefers to live with the extended family. The reasons for this can be varied like financial need, social pressure or emotional support. So, not much has yet changed in this aspect.
As against this, in UK, 75% of the students live in nuclear families, 15% have step families while 10% are raised by a lone parent. It may be due to the spirit of independence i.e. engrained in them from the very beginning. There is no stigma attached to divorce too . so the basic fabric of the family differs in these two countries. Hence ,it’s effect is seen in the next set of questions.
.Since the majority of the Indian families in the sample are extended, the number of family members are also more as compared to UK.15% of the sample has 2 to 3 members, 30 % of families have 3 to 8 members while 40% have 9 to 12 family members. 15% have even more than 12 members in the family. These are families where grandparents, uncle’s family and the student’s family, all live together in a large house. Most of these families have joint business ( mostly jewellery or marble in our city) and that binds them together.
AS against this, in UK, 95% of the families being nuclear, have only 3 to 8 members and 5% of families have 2 to 3 members only .The reason for this is simple,90% of families in UK, have just two generations staying together while 80% of the Indian families consist of 3 generations. The contrast can be seen clearly by the data collected from the next question. In UK 100% of the sample stays only with their parent while in Jaipur, India, only 15% of the sample stays only with parent, rest all have extended families. Hence the influence of extended family on the student is still quite palpable and strong in India. Thus , there is only marginal change in the initial basic questions But the picture seems to be changing in some areas..
It is said that if you give wings to the mother, she can transform the entire family and it’s value system. A decade ago, there was a huge difference between the financial independence enjoyed by the mother in these two countries. Most of the Indian mothers i.e. 95% were housewives. Now, 45% if Indian mothers are working. Although there is still a wide gap, as in UK, 80 % of mothers are working but we do see the new emerging trend. More women have started venturing out. It is necessary to mention here that Jaipur is a comparatively smaller city and the data should not be seen as representative of entire India. In metro cities, the scene would different and the gap could be lesser.
Such dynamics surely influence the decision making process in the family. Although 85% of the decisions are taken jointly by the family in India, the oldest member or the earning member also has the ultimate say in some families. As against this, important family decisions are always taken jointly in the western world.
Even when it comes to taking decisions regarding the child’s life, In UK, 60% of the students have freedom to decide on their own but in India , 80% of the parents have their say. In fact , 5% of the families decide the course of life of their wards. As a teacher, I have seen parents deciding the stream or subjects for the student .I have noticed a latent discontent regarding this but is it something that bothers them the most? Actually no….assertiveness is still a rare trait here while compliance seems to be the norm. It may be that they are not very sure about their own choices too.60% of students seem to value their parents guidance while the ratio is exactly opposite for the UK students. 75% of them will be unhappy with such parental interference in their life. Actually, the Indian concept of self is ‘ collectivistic’ and not ‘ Individualistic’ like the western world. Hence, even though the parental influence is clearly visible in their life, 65% of the sample did not report any family pressure. An Indian adolescent seems to be vacillating between wanting to be independent and still being dependent.
The next question pertained to the student’s perception of his family’s flexibility. Is it changing with times? Here , 80% of the Indian students thought that yes, their family is responding to the changing trends while only 35% of UK students thought so. There is a reason for this. Being a developing country, our society in general is evolving. We are at a transient stage now. So, naturally the changes will be much more visible here .
Now, coming to the utilization of free time by adolescents in India and UK. Here, a major shift was seen after a decade. Indian students used to spend much more time with their family, friends but now media has usurped that time in our country too. The data of UK and India is almost the same. Both spend around 75% of their free time on social media, net, TV or phone. The family time has significantly reduced .
So, some things have surely changed in India. However, many other, remain the same, especially in a small city like Jaipur. It is apparent when we analyze the result of question no.15. It is asking their opinion about love or arrange marriage.85% of Indian parents have had arranged marriage, but, 45% of the next generation would like to have love marriage. In our previous data, most had chosen arranged marriage. But, interestingly, they do need parental approval for the same. If the parents do not give green signal, 65% of them would drop the idea of getting married to their true love …strange?…complex?…well, the fluid nature of the changing times have created a dichotomy between what they want to do and what they would actually do. Of course, there is no such confusion in UK. 100% of the students are clear that they would marry the person they love, even if parents do not approve of the same.
The next set of questions try to see their view regarding the advantages and disadvantages of the joint and nuclear family. Both believe that joint family fosters positive relationships and shared responsibilities. Indian students also thought that it is good for looking after elderly members. As far as the disadvantages are concerned, 60% of Indian students feel there is no disadvantage though lack of privacy, financial burden and crowding is noted in both the countries to some extend. It is interesting to note that 35% of UK students also feel that there is no disadvantage in joint family.
Coming to nuclear family, independence, financial freedom and privacy are seen as major advantages while lack of emotional support, neglect of elderly are seen as main disadvantages. The result from the Indian data is a bit confusing. 25% of the sample feels there is no advantage of nuclear family while 35% of the sample feels there is no disadvantage. A decade ago, we had got much more clear result in favour of joint family. Although 70% of Indian students still rooted for joint family, the thread of change can be seen and it may be more explicit if we repeat the exercise after another decade. For UK, 85% wanted a nuclear family and it remains the same.
The first baby steps of changing civilization begin with our family. The changing dynamics of the family structure and it’s influence on the student’s life, are surely representative of the changes in the society in general. The sample shows that conformity, obedience and compliance, still are a part of an Indian adolescent life while UK adolescent is crystal clear about fulfilling his need for independence. When the same exercise was done a decade ago, they still seem to crave for the complete, joint family but now he seems to have made peace with step families and lone parenthood. The changing norm of the society may have played a role in this .
India too is slowly coming closer to the western world. The data shows that Indian adolescent is like a baby bird who has developed wings, making up his mind….whether he should fly? Whether he can fly…. But will he fly or will he be happy in his nest for a while? Personally, I wouldn’t mind his independence, but it would be wonderful if we could retain our strong family bonds. Will that be the case? Perhaps for these answers, we need to wait for another decade….!!
Dr. Rajshree Tewari
Bhartiya Vidya Bhavan’s Vidyashram
K.M.Munshi Marg
Jaipur
India